Wrestling [or What to do with heart's desires]

Imagine that the last time you saw your brother, he was breathing murderous threats against you. Now imagine that you’re about to meet him again for the first time in about twenty years. That would certainly be a reunion to dread.

This is exactly Jacob’s situation in Genesis 32. He has finally left his relative Laban’s land and is heading back home to Canaan at the command of the Lord. To go back, though, he must pass through his brother Esau’s country, and he’s a little nervous to say the least. In an effort to smooth things over with Esau, he sends servants ahead of him with a message of his submission. However, in response, he hears that Esau is coming to meet him with 400 men. Cue Jacob’s panic. In Jacob’s mind, 400 men can mean nothing other than an impending attack, and his terror increases. In a last-ditch effort to patch things up and protect himself and his family, he sends an enormous gift of livestock ahead to Esau and sends his immediate family across a stream to a place where they will (presumably) be safer. Jacob remains alone on the other side of the stream.

What was going on in Jacob’s head as he made these preparations and prepared to pass the night alone? On the eve of what he expects to be a disastrous encounter with his brother, I suspect that some of his time was spent in reflecting on the events that had brought them to such a terrible relationship. Maybe he recalled how he had manipulated Esau into giving him his birthright when Esau was hungry. Maybe he thought back to the day when he stole Esau’s paternal blessing by lying and disguising himself as his brother. All his life, Jacob has wanted blessings and has done whatever he could to get them. He put the proper value on the birthright and Isaac’s blessing (while Esau “despised his birthright” and exchanged it for soup), but he got them by cheating, manipulating, and deceiving brother and father. And now, here he is on the edge of potential destruction. He has played all his cards and offered Esau everything he can think of to try to smooth over the wrong. All that remains is to wait until morning.

Then into this night of waiting steps a man, and they have a wrestling match that changes everything.

At first they seem to be evenly matched. The man can’t overpower Jacob. But then, with a single touch, he wrenches Jacob’s hip in its socket. I’m pretty sure Jacob knew at that point that he was not wrestling with an ordinary man. He was, in fact, wrestling with God himself. (Don’t ask me how this is possible. I have no idea.) Having clearly demonstrated his superiority, God requests that Jacob let him go, because day is breaking. But Jacob refuses and makes this incredible demand,

“I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

Ok, I know it doesn’t seem that incredible at first. Surely Jacob doesn’t need any more stuff. He has hundreds of sheep and goats, dozens of camels and cows, two wives and eleven sons. And anyway, it’s no feat to ask for a blessing. Everyone wants to be blessed. But the key here is that Jacob has spent his whole life trying to obtain blessing by trickery (the birthright and Isaac’s blessing) or by his own works (serving Laban for his wives), and now, on this crucial night, he finally turns to the Source of Blessing in a mighty struggle and asks to be blessed. His desires have not changed, but he is finally seeking their fulfillment in the right place.

To commemorate this pivotal moment, God changes Jacob’s name. He will no longer be Jacob, meaning “He deceives,” but he will be called Israel instead: “Struggles with God.”

I have learned something from Jacob. Acknowledging God as the source of all “good and perfect gifts” (James 1:17) is not always pretty. Wrestling is, after all, rather intense. Submission to God is not always happy flowers and rainbows.

I firmly believe that God has made us with desires. And scripture doesn’t ignore our longings. Proverbs speaks of them like this:

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (Prov. 13:12)

The author of this proverb doesn’t deny that having longings fulfilled is a beautiful thing. But the danger comes when we try to fulfill our longings ourselves. This was the lie from the very beginning: “Eve, do you want to be wise and discerning? Why not take matters into your own hands, and eat this fruit?” the serpent said. But for us as for Eve, the things that we run after to satisfy our deepest desires will turn on us and lead us to death.

So let us not be like Jacob (“he deceives”), but like Israel (“struggles with God”). Let us not manipulate and lie and trick to fulfill our desires. Make no mistake, you might get quite far in your efforts to obtain the things you long for. Jacob did get what he wanted from his trickery—he was blessed indeed with material things—but it was at the cost of relationship with his brother, and his life was a circus of deception and mistrust (Gen 29-31). So let us rather turn to God as the true source of blessing. “Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (Js. 1:16-17). Be aware, though, that sometimes it is not a calm turning of our faces towards heaven. Sometimes it is a wrestling match where we yell with all our strength and passion, “Why this desire? Why is now not the time to fulfill it?!” But it is better by far to exhaust ourselves by wrestling with God than to spend ourselves in chasing after a counterfeit. When we try to make our own paths, we are running away from the Father, but when we wrestle, we are very close to Him. Ephesians says that Jesus died so that we could be near the Father (Eph. 2:13). Jesus died so we could get close enough to wrestle. Thanks be to God!