[I started writing this poem last summer, and I've been working on it on-and-off since then. I think I'm finally at a point where I can't do any more revising without a fresh pair of eyes. I'd love to hear what you think: whether it's clear, whether the story rings true, etc. Or if you just want to read it and withhold your opinion, that's fine too. :)]
Drunk on pride and arrogance
I stagger on my way.
To bleary eyes this treacherous path
looks well-kept and well-laid.
I tread the path of I-know-best
with eyes willfully blind.
I feast on dust and ashes
and I call it food and wine.
I’m immune to weak-kneed walking
and say blithely, “All is well!”
But I stumble in the thorn-bush
and my cuts of struggles tell.
I sell purity for praises.
I sell wisdom for the song
of a “much devoted” lover—
who will leave my side ‘ere long.
Finally, broken-hearted, bleeding,
tears well up in glassy eyes.
And the piercing shame of failure
shatters all my cheerful lies.
I have treasured trash as riches
and I’ve chewed on stones for bread.
Trying hard for independence,
I have ended up half dead.
But in my weakness there approaches
one well-known but long-ignored.
I have held him at a distance
whom I once acknowledged Lord.
While I chased after my idols,
while I trailblazed my own way,
I learned to stop my ears against
the counsel that he gave.
Now he steadily comes towards me
but, ashamed, I look away.
After all of my rebellion
can I look into his face?
Nonetheless, he treats me kindly
as I stare but at the ground.
And he dresses me in purple
after all my wounds are bound.
At last, I look to see My Helper,
and my eyes in wonder grow
for he’s covered in my thorn-cuts
and he wears my filthy clothes!
But the vision passes quickly
—he’s now dressed in rich array—
But he says, “Have you forgotten
that I carried all that day?”
“I have taken all your sorrows.
I have shouldered all your sins.
Stay not on this road, so hopeless;
come and dwell with me within!”
And he gestures toward a sheepfold
by a river, calm and clear.
And as he bears me toward his kingdom
to his heart he holds me near.
Oh that glorious day of rescue
when he met me on the road!
He did more than bear my failures;
He stooped down to take me home!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Sunrise in Croatia
“In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun, which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a champion rejoicing to run his course. It rises at one end of the heavens and makes its circuit to the other; nothing is hidden from its heat.”
--Psalm 19:4b-6
We woke up sometime around 4am and yawned ourselves into some clothes. The four of us then made our way through the empty streets of Makarska, Croatia to find a good place to watch the sunrise. As we walked in the chilly, grey pre-dawn, I was struck with how much this early-morning time of day looks like the dusk of early evening. But there is a great difference: evening dusk is the first sign of the death of the day, but this early morning greyness is the first sign that the darkness of night is about to be overcome.
We finally settled on the harbor as the best place to watch the sunrise. In truth, we would not be able to see the sun because it was to rise somewhere behind the mountains and the trees, but it was the most eastern-facing spot we could find.
So there we were, four quiet, sleepy college students, assembled to wait for the coming sun, but we were not the only ones waiting. The clouds, the sea, the mountains, even the moon herself were all assembled to see the sun rise. And although we could never really see the sun over the mountains, we could see how all creation reflects the sun’s glory when he comes. The moon is visible because of his light—although she will soon be overshadowed by his glory; the clouds change color with gladness—pink to yellow to cream to white; and the water reflects the glory that the coming sun makes in the clouds.
The psalmist compares this coming sun to “a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion.” And indeed, we and all creation waited for him as a bride waits for a bridegroom and rejoiced when he came. But if we gather in this way to watch the glory of this daily bridegroom, how much more do we, together with all creation, await with joy and hopeful expectation the coming of the true Bridegroom, who is not a created thing like the sun, but the Creator himself? How much greater will be the joy when Jesus, instead of the sun, comes on the clouds (1 Thess. 4:16-17)? What marvelous colors will the clouds then display to honor his coming?
That morning we eagerly looked for sunrise after a night of darkness. How much more ought we to eagerly look for the return of the One who is the true light of the world, who will restore day forever to this world of darkness? The creation itself groans in expectation of his coming (Rom. 8:19-22), and we long to be clothed with the imperishable (1 Corin. 15:53-56) and to know that death and decay is finally defeated! Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! We wait for you more than watchmen wait for the morning (Psalm 130:6).
--Psalm 19:4b-6
We woke up sometime around 4am and yawned ourselves into some clothes. The four of us then made our way through the empty streets of Makarska, Croatia to find a good place to watch the sunrise. As we walked in the chilly, grey pre-dawn, I was struck with how much this early-morning time of day looks like the dusk of early evening. But there is a great difference: evening dusk is the first sign of the death of the day, but this early morning greyness is the first sign that the darkness of night is about to be overcome.
We finally settled on the harbor as the best place to watch the sunrise. In truth, we would not be able to see the sun because it was to rise somewhere behind the mountains and the trees, but it was the most eastern-facing spot we could find.
So there we were, four quiet, sleepy college students, assembled to wait for the coming sun, but we were not the only ones waiting. The clouds, the sea, the mountains, even the moon herself were all assembled to see the sun rise. And although we could never really see the sun over the mountains, we could see how all creation reflects the sun’s glory when he comes. The moon is visible because of his light—although she will soon be overshadowed by his glory; the clouds change color with gladness—pink to yellow to cream to white; and the water reflects the glory that the coming sun makes in the clouds.
The psalmist compares this coming sun to “a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion.” And indeed, we and all creation waited for him as a bride waits for a bridegroom and rejoiced when he came. But if we gather in this way to watch the glory of this daily bridegroom, how much more do we, together with all creation, await with joy and hopeful expectation the coming of the true Bridegroom, who is not a created thing like the sun, but the Creator himself? How much greater will be the joy when Jesus, instead of the sun, comes on the clouds (1 Thess. 4:16-17)? What marvelous colors will the clouds then display to honor his coming?
That morning we eagerly looked for sunrise after a night of darkness. How much more ought we to eagerly look for the return of the One who is the true light of the world, who will restore day forever to this world of darkness? The creation itself groans in expectation of his coming (Rom. 8:19-22), and we long to be clothed with the imperishable (1 Corin. 15:53-56) and to know that death and decay is finally defeated! Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! We wait for you more than watchmen wait for the morning (Psalm 130:6).
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Wrestling [or What to do with heart's desires]
Imagine that the last time you saw your brother, he was breathing murderous threats against you. Now imagine that you’re about to meet him again for the first time in about twenty years. That would certainly be a reunion to dread.
This is exactly Jacob’s situation in Genesis 32. He has finally left his relative Laban’s land and is heading back home to Canaan at the command of the Lord. To go back, though, he must pass through his brother Esau’s country, and he’s a little nervous to say the least. In an effort to smooth things over with Esau, he sends servants ahead of him with a message of his submission. However, in response, he hears that Esau is coming to meet him with 400 men. Cue Jacob’s panic. In Jacob’s mind, 400 men can mean nothing other than an impending attack, and his terror increases. In a last-ditch effort to patch things up and protect himself and his family, he sends an enormous gift of livestock ahead to Esau and sends his immediate family across a stream to a place where they will (presumably) be safer. Jacob remains alone on the other side of the stream.
What was going on in Jacob’s head as he made these preparations and prepared to pass the night alone? On the eve of what he expects to be a disastrous encounter with his brother, I suspect that some of his time was spent in reflecting on the events that had brought them to such a terrible relationship. Maybe he recalled how he had manipulated Esau into giving him his birthright when Esau was hungry. Maybe he thought back to the day when he stole Esau’s paternal blessing by lying and disguising himself as his brother. All his life, Jacob has wanted blessings and has done whatever he could to get them. He put the proper value on the birthright and Isaac’s blessing (while Esau “despised his birthright” and exchanged it for soup), but he got them by cheating, manipulating, and deceiving brother and father. And now, here he is on the edge of potential destruction. He has played all his cards and offered Esau everything he can think of to try to smooth over the wrong. All that remains is to wait until morning.
Then into this night of waiting steps a man, and they have a wrestling match that changes everything.
At first they seem to be evenly matched. The man can’t overpower Jacob. But then, with a single touch, he wrenches Jacob’s hip in its socket. I’m pretty sure Jacob knew at that point that he was not wrestling with an ordinary man. He was, in fact, wrestling with God himself. (Don’t ask me how this is possible. I have no idea.) Having clearly demonstrated his superiority, God requests that Jacob let him go, because day is breaking. But Jacob refuses and makes this incredible demand,
“I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
Ok, I know it doesn’t seem that incredible at first. Surely Jacob doesn’t need any more stuff. He has hundreds of sheep and goats, dozens of camels and cows, two wives and eleven sons. And anyway, it’s no feat to ask for a blessing. Everyone wants to be blessed. But the key here is that Jacob has spent his whole life trying to obtain blessing by trickery (the birthright and Isaac’s blessing) or by his own works (serving Laban for his wives), and now, on this crucial night, he finally turns to the Source of Blessing in a mighty struggle and asks to be blessed. His desires have not changed, but he is finally seeking their fulfillment in the right place.
To commemorate this pivotal moment, God changes Jacob’s name. He will no longer be Jacob, meaning “He deceives,” but he will be called Israel instead: “Struggles with God.”
I have learned something from Jacob. Acknowledging God as the source of all “good and perfect gifts” (James 1:17) is not always pretty. Wrestling is, after all, rather intense. Submission to God is not always happy flowers and rainbows.
I firmly believe that God has made us with desires. And scripture doesn’t ignore our longings. Proverbs speaks of them like this:
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (Prov. 13:12)
The author of this proverb doesn’t deny that having longings fulfilled is a beautiful thing. But the danger comes when we try to fulfill our longings ourselves. This was the lie from the very beginning: “Eve, do you want to be wise and discerning? Why not take matters into your own hands, and eat this fruit?” the serpent said. But for us as for Eve, the things that we run after to satisfy our deepest desires will turn on us and lead us to death.
So let us not be like Jacob (“he deceives”), but like Israel (“struggles with God”). Let us not manipulate and lie and trick to fulfill our desires. Make no mistake, you might get quite far in your efforts to obtain the things you long for. Jacob did get what he wanted from his trickery—he was blessed indeed with material things—but it was at the cost of relationship with his brother, and his life was a circus of deception and mistrust (Gen 29-31). So let us rather turn to God as the true source of blessing. “Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (Js. 1:16-17). Be aware, though, that sometimes it is not a calm turning of our faces towards heaven. Sometimes it is a wrestling match where we yell with all our strength and passion, “Why this desire? Why is now not the time to fulfill it?!” But it is better by far to exhaust ourselves by wrestling with God than to spend ourselves in chasing after a counterfeit. When we try to make our own paths, we are running away from the Father, but when we wrestle, we are very close to Him. Ephesians says that Jesus died so that we could be near the Father (Eph. 2:13). Jesus died so we could get close enough to wrestle. Thanks be to God!
This is exactly Jacob’s situation in Genesis 32. He has finally left his relative Laban’s land and is heading back home to Canaan at the command of the Lord. To go back, though, he must pass through his brother Esau’s country, and he’s a little nervous to say the least. In an effort to smooth things over with Esau, he sends servants ahead of him with a message of his submission. However, in response, he hears that Esau is coming to meet him with 400 men. Cue Jacob’s panic. In Jacob’s mind, 400 men can mean nothing other than an impending attack, and his terror increases. In a last-ditch effort to patch things up and protect himself and his family, he sends an enormous gift of livestock ahead to Esau and sends his immediate family across a stream to a place where they will (presumably) be safer. Jacob remains alone on the other side of the stream.
What was going on in Jacob’s head as he made these preparations and prepared to pass the night alone? On the eve of what he expects to be a disastrous encounter with his brother, I suspect that some of his time was spent in reflecting on the events that had brought them to such a terrible relationship. Maybe he recalled how he had manipulated Esau into giving him his birthright when Esau was hungry. Maybe he thought back to the day when he stole Esau’s paternal blessing by lying and disguising himself as his brother. All his life, Jacob has wanted blessings and has done whatever he could to get them. He put the proper value on the birthright and Isaac’s blessing (while Esau “despised his birthright” and exchanged it for soup), but he got them by cheating, manipulating, and deceiving brother and father. And now, here he is on the edge of potential destruction. He has played all his cards and offered Esau everything he can think of to try to smooth over the wrong. All that remains is to wait until morning.
Then into this night of waiting steps a man, and they have a wrestling match that changes everything.
At first they seem to be evenly matched. The man can’t overpower Jacob. But then, with a single touch, he wrenches Jacob’s hip in its socket. I’m pretty sure Jacob knew at that point that he was not wrestling with an ordinary man. He was, in fact, wrestling with God himself. (Don’t ask me how this is possible. I have no idea.) Having clearly demonstrated his superiority, God requests that Jacob let him go, because day is breaking. But Jacob refuses and makes this incredible demand,
“I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
Ok, I know it doesn’t seem that incredible at first. Surely Jacob doesn’t need any more stuff. He has hundreds of sheep and goats, dozens of camels and cows, two wives and eleven sons. And anyway, it’s no feat to ask for a blessing. Everyone wants to be blessed. But the key here is that Jacob has spent his whole life trying to obtain blessing by trickery (the birthright and Isaac’s blessing) or by his own works (serving Laban for his wives), and now, on this crucial night, he finally turns to the Source of Blessing in a mighty struggle and asks to be blessed. His desires have not changed, but he is finally seeking their fulfillment in the right place.
To commemorate this pivotal moment, God changes Jacob’s name. He will no longer be Jacob, meaning “He deceives,” but he will be called Israel instead: “Struggles with God.”
I have learned something from Jacob. Acknowledging God as the source of all “good and perfect gifts” (James 1:17) is not always pretty. Wrestling is, after all, rather intense. Submission to God is not always happy flowers and rainbows.
I firmly believe that God has made us with desires. And scripture doesn’t ignore our longings. Proverbs speaks of them like this:
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (Prov. 13:12)
The author of this proverb doesn’t deny that having longings fulfilled is a beautiful thing. But the danger comes when we try to fulfill our longings ourselves. This was the lie from the very beginning: “Eve, do you want to be wise and discerning? Why not take matters into your own hands, and eat this fruit?” the serpent said. But for us as for Eve, the things that we run after to satisfy our deepest desires will turn on us and lead us to death.
So let us not be like Jacob (“he deceives”), but like Israel (“struggles with God”). Let us not manipulate and lie and trick to fulfill our desires. Make no mistake, you might get quite far in your efforts to obtain the things you long for. Jacob did get what he wanted from his trickery—he was blessed indeed with material things—but it was at the cost of relationship with his brother, and his life was a circus of deception and mistrust (Gen 29-31). So let us rather turn to God as the true source of blessing. “Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (Js. 1:16-17). Be aware, though, that sometimes it is not a calm turning of our faces towards heaven. Sometimes it is a wrestling match where we yell with all our strength and passion, “Why this desire? Why is now not the time to fulfill it?!” But it is better by far to exhaust ourselves by wrestling with God than to spend ourselves in chasing after a counterfeit. When we try to make our own paths, we are running away from the Father, but when we wrestle, we are very close to Him. Ephesians says that Jesus died so that we could be near the Father (Eph. 2:13). Jesus died so we could get close enough to wrestle. Thanks be to God!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
For those who love adventure stories: A Thought and a Prayer
There is a real battle to be fought. There is no time to lose myself in the make-believe battles of books. There are young men who need to walk away from fear, their old master, and become strong, humble men of God. There are young women who need rest and patience. There are prodigals, once faithful, who need to return to their Father. There are worldings--idolaters--who need to meet the one true God. There are blind men who need to encounter the light of truth. There are truth seekers who have yet to find the One who is truth. There are brilliant men who have yet to grasp the knowledge of God. There are humble servants whose hands need strengthening for their daily tasks. There are dark places that need the fresh air of the Holy Spirit to blow in the promise of hope, to usher in the kingdom. There are travelers, far from home, who need grace to see every part of this earth as the footstool of the King. There are troubled saints who need to sink deeper into the comfort and life of God's word.
With all these needs, all these members of our body making war against the powers of darkness, how can I close my eyes and read of fake wars, of contrived encounters with evil? I shudder at the fictional evil in books, am wild to see it destroyed, cannot put down the story, even though I know how it ends, how everything plays out. How much more should I look to the much greater evil--greater because it is real and threatening--that prowls this fallen world? How can I not give myself to the service of the great and mighty king whom I know will conquer in the end? How much more exciting, urgent, and worthwhile to fight in the battle against the real evil that ravages the works of God, that perverts and corrupts his handiwork? Lord, may I not continue in apathy! Give me grace and your power to make war against an evil a thousand times worse than the ones penned by Rowling and Tolkien. Oh, there is great joy and satisfaction in being able to march under your banner, under the banner of the King of all kings and the Lord of all lords. Thank you for buying me out of the hands of destruction, for saving me and giving me a purpose: to help restore this fallen world by reintroducing men to their Maker! May I not be content with fiction Father; rather may I know the joy of being a part of the real Story.
By the blood and in the conquering name of Jesus Christ,
Amen
With all these needs, all these members of our body making war against the powers of darkness, how can I close my eyes and read of fake wars, of contrived encounters with evil? I shudder at the fictional evil in books, am wild to see it destroyed, cannot put down the story, even though I know how it ends, how everything plays out. How much more should I look to the much greater evil--greater because it is real and threatening--that prowls this fallen world? How can I not give myself to the service of the great and mighty king whom I know will conquer in the end? How much more exciting, urgent, and worthwhile to fight in the battle against the real evil that ravages the works of God, that perverts and corrupts his handiwork? Lord, may I not continue in apathy! Give me grace and your power to make war against an evil a thousand times worse than the ones penned by Rowling and Tolkien. Oh, there is great joy and satisfaction in being able to march under your banner, under the banner of the King of all kings and the Lord of all lords. Thank you for buying me out of the hands of destruction, for saving me and giving me a purpose: to help restore this fallen world by reintroducing men to their Maker! May I not be content with fiction Father; rather may I know the joy of being a part of the real Story.
By the blood and in the conquering name of Jesus Christ,
Amen
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